I woke up slightly hung over from my 3 glasses of wine. If that’s all it takes for me to wake up feeling like a trainwreck, then I am getting old. The first thing I did was apologize to my liver. Then my stomach.
Ugh. I hate that feeling.
I brushed my teeth, showered, then started to pack my things up from the hotel room. I don’t have much to pack since I travel with my backpack. I look like a very stylish homeless person. I love it.
I did my makeup, combed my hair, got dressed, and went to the bathroom to put perfume on. Once that mission was accomplished, I picked up my brand new bottle of perfume and for some stupid reason, it slipped out of my hand, crashed onto the bathroom floor, broke into a gazillion pieces and splattered all over me with the heavenly scent of Clinique Happy. The strange part is that I got a huge splash of it in my freshly made-up eyes and in my mouth! I couldn’t open my eyes, I’m barefoot, and I started to gag from the perfume in my mouth! The gagging grossed out my already sensitive stomach so I felt the urge to vomit, but I couldn’t see where the toilet was. So I felt around waving my hands until I found it, dry heaved for a moment then I realized how BADLY my eyes were burning! I didn’t want to completely mess up my make up because I’d have to do it all over again, but the burning in my eyes was so intense that it wouldn’t go away with a simple cold splash! I tried to open my eyes, and I couldn’t! Then I gagged again! Damnit!
So I decided to stick my entire face under the tub faucet because the burning was so intense, so again, I fumbled around with my eyes clenched closed, trying to feel out for glass and the tub. Once I found the tub, I stuck my face in sideways to try and get the most amount of water into my eyes. After 3 minutes, the pain was slowly going away, but it still stung to open them. I also rinsed my mouth out because the taste of the perfume was grossing me out again.
It was not my brightest moment, but I didn’t cut myself. I did have to redo my makeup and leave an apology note to the cleaning staff so that they would know a glass bottle broke and that it stunk and most importantly I was sorry.
Needless to say, I was late to work. On my way in, I decided to grab an iced green tea at starbucks to try and calm my stomach down, but I reeked and people were so rude. One woman asked if I knew how much perfume I put on, I laughed and said “yeah, all of it!” She didn’t laugh, then she pushed me and muttered something under her breath about my large backpack and how she couldn’t go through. I told her to “go around and get over it!” She then said, “Well, you smell!” To which I said, “Well, at least I stink good, you jerk!!” The guy behind me and at the counter laughed so hard that I couldn’t help but laugh too. He gave me a free banana.
So, now I’m at work, I don’t stink as bad anymore, but for a second, it was awful.